Quantcast
Channel: 2047 revision 2 w/t to all
Browsing latest articles
Browse All 11 View Live

2047 revision 2 w/t to all

Revision 2Intent, he wittled years away to crafthis art, but what he held within his handswas flint, some rudimentary artefact.I'd call to him "Look! See the plumes of smokethat crowd your world." I...

View Article



Re: 2047 revision 2 w/t to all

Hi Daniel -I thought you'd misspelled 'artifact'. But as it happens (often), it is that America (the baby of the the nations) has chosen to spell it differently...artefactchiefly British variant of...

View Article

Re: 2047 revision 2 w/t to all

Thanks, FebI won't explain my intent just yet, but appreciate your feedback. It could be that it's too much of a stretch to make the connection I'm looking for.Thanks,DB I've retitled this in the hope...

View Article

Re: 2047 revision 2 w/t to all

Daniel,Have you watched any Al Gore films recently? There does seem like a lot of filler here in the first part, and even though the new title helps, the whole thing is a little vague.David

View Article

Re: 2047 revision 2 w/t to all

Thanks, David.No, I haven't watched the movie. The idea for this one came after watching a show on the 7 greatest threats to mankind. It was quite depressing learning about all the things that could...

View Article


Re: 2047 revision 2 w/t to all

Daniel--I like the sestet as is. The octave does seem to have a pacing problem. I'd like the last thought to be just a little more filled-out. Why does he raise his head, why is it too late, what sort...

View Article

Re: 2047 revision 2 w/t to all

Thanks, Mike.I'm trying to show the poet's position as it relates to global warming. In line with your thoughts "perhaps" I can salvage the octave and my caveman. I probably posted this too early...

View Article

Re: 2047 revision 2 w/t to all

Thanks, to everyone for their feedback. I've tried to revise this, for clarity, in line with people's comments & think it's headed in the right direction. Cheers for that.DB

View Article


Re: 2047 revision 2 w/t to all

You gave a hint in the discussion that this relates to "global warming" otherwise I wouldn't have any idea. The caveman makes it look like it is in the past. The 50 million people make it look more...

View Article


Re: 2047 revision 2 w/t to all

Hi Daniel. I really like the internal rhymes and your use of sound. I also really like the idea itself, this man as the embodiment of mankinds progress. I think this version has improved a lot from...

View Article

Re: 2047 revision 2 w/t to all

Frank, thanks for your comments. I don't think this poem states that the fifty million people move to higher ground. I think this poem requires a bit of leg work from the reader as far as making sense...

View Article
Browsing latest articles
Browse All 11 View Live




Latest Images